Lazy scripting, cuss words, political correctness and pretentious activism can no longer be excuses for poor stand-up comedy.

Restaurants and theatres are re-opening. Life slowly returns to the old normal. As convenient as home dining and Netflix/Amazon are, they simply aren’t a substitute for the real experience. But there is something that I absolutely haven’t missed. Stand-up comedy.

Just how much, I realised, minutes into Going Viral Pvt Ltd. Playing on Amazon Prime, it features such ‘talents’ as Anuvab Pal, Vir Das, Kunaal Roy Kapoor, Tanmay Bhat, Kubra Sait and Sophie Choudry. It was sad just how forced and unfunny it was.

Barring a few notable exceptions, I have had the same experience watching live stand-up comedy.

Here are my 10 commandments for this unfortunate tribe:

1. Aping western stand up acts doesn’t work. Comedy doesn’t travel well unless it is locally contextualized.

2. Also, local doesn’t mean a surfeit of Mumbai vs Delhi and South Mumbai vs suburb ‘jokes’.

3. Cuss words cannot substitute real humour.

4. Political correctness and fear of litigation cannot be an excuse for lazy scripting.

5. Flow is important. Jumping from national politics to the workplace to wife jokes is not funny.

6. Planting your friends to cheer loudly in the front and back rows is an insult to those of us who have paid Rs 800 per ticket + Rs 500 for coffee and popcorn.

7. We can also do without the obviously pre-planned picking on the front row guy sitting with two women.

8. If you are here to make us laugh, restrict yourself to that. There are enough babas to dish out philosophy and life lessons.

9. Don’t repeat jokes from one event to the other. 10. Don’t streeeetch a joke. Remember brevity is the soul of wit.

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